I've been feeling frustrated this week.
The holiday is more than over and it's time to get back to life. Sometimes I find it hard to get my head around things and to accept them as a natural, normal part of life living in Turkey. And this week has been full of those kinds of thoughts.
I could rant and rave about all the hopeless things like dangerous ankle-breaking footpaths, half made roads and no street drains to drain the last four days of continual rain so that when a car goes past you don't get soaked, but I won't bore you with that.
I went out for dinner last night with a great group of mostly expat girls. It was a last minute hook up and we headed to Banyan in Nişantaşı for a "Thai" dinner. Now, I know Thai food, and I can easily say that this was more of an Asian mix as opposed to straight Thai, but certainly a nice change all the same.
It was six girls, some of whom are working in the same sector as myself, and another as a teacher. We shared the usual stories of the"lost in translation" communications we have with people, the general chaos that we struggle to get used to and the one question we seemed to all get asked: why are you here?
I must say, I get this question more often than not. The girls say they also get the question from people (Turks) who simply cannot understand why anyone would want to come and live here.
I guess my reason is most valid, being married to a Turk and all, along with one other girl, but for the others who are foreigners or Turks who have lived abroad for their whole lives and returned in the last year or two, Turkish people cannot understand why they would want to leave their great lands to come and live here.
We find the question strange. Because people ask us why we are here and not in our own countries, but they themselves who ask the question, ask it like they wish they weren't here either.
Do Turks get as fed up as the foreigners? Do they feel the same frustrations as us about the day-to-day challenges?
If you never lived anywhere else in the world, how would you know that your country is worse than mine if you have nothing to compare your own country to?
One of the girls reported that she was finding it hard to meet a decent man here. She said that every time she met one and they realised she was in fact Turkish, given her very strong American accent, they would ask if she has American and/or dual citizenship. She said that without fail this question was asked by all men.
So, the question is: Is it that Turks want to be elsewhere than here, or is it that they wished that we just stayed in our own countries?
4 comments:
Allow me to drop my 2 cents here...
I do not think that you need to be offended by those questions. Foreigners are welcomed in Turkey.
Turks ask "why are you here?" type of questions for: a) curiousity (Turks are very curious by nature and they are not afraid of asking a lot of questions. What you may find offensive or a personal space/topic type of questions are quite normal in Turkish society) b) they really think that Western countries are by far better than Turkey in all aspects, so they are suprised that a foreigner, especially from a developed country, chooses to live here. Most have never been to or visited a developed country and their image of "how wonderful everything is in" developed countries mostly based on movies and tv shows. Thanks to Hollywood!
Don't be offended by those questions. They are harmless..
Expat^Square
hey there, i love your pudding photo! this question has also made me wonder. i never take offense, b/c i know that when i am asked, it is in the sense of "why would you want to live here rather than your own country". which sadly surprises me because the Turks seem so proud of their heritage. So I asked my husband, and although I cannot say that his opinion represents all Turks, it's all i have! He feels similiarly that because most Turks rarely travel outside Turkey (due to visa requirements & cost) they are very curious when they see foreigners because there are not a lot here compared to more intl cities. and they definitely feel that "the grass is greener" wanting what they cannot have, which is to live in a more developed country with all its modern trappings that we take for granted. He feels that Turks are very proud of their Ottoman history & Ataturk, but since then, no one with vision has stepped up and done anything since then to make this country great & worth staying around for.
Hello Renai;I am Elif again.Actually if I have a foreign friend who comes from a more developed country I don't think I ask him or her why you are here question.Because for me there is no perfect place in this world,some have less problems,some have more.And my country has lots of attractions that can make a foreigner curious so they can live here.I have a good life here,the villagers of my father's village has a good life too.I think the incompetence of our politicians,and being the neighbour of very unstable countries,PKK,and even Al Kaide terrorism,these type of things can sometimes create an anger inside a Turk,and a desire to scream to the world's emperialist powers ''Give us a brake,leave us alone''.But we've been historically in many adventures,in many gains and pains.So we are strong,we can handle to live in this valuable Anatolian Land.Although it is sometimes tiring.And seriously western foreigners are a very rare site in Turkey,and so many people don't speak english,so they just know the outside world from the movies.In my opinion my country is not that backwards.For example this country spend 250billion dollars for fighting PKK,when I think of that number I still look at this country and think we are OK.My people sometimes forget to look at things in a more positive way,and complaining is the easiest way.And when they suddenly see a foreigner this thoughts suddenly pops out to the foreigner's face.But it doesn't mean that we don't want you here,seriously it doesn't
Expat^Square, you are right. Turks are very curious and ask all kinds of questions which was very challenging for me when I first came here. They are genuinely curious and take an interest in foreign people which I think is nice. And yes, I do think they compare the rest of the world with what they see on t.v or what they read about in newspapers; like do I have a koala in my backyard or do I see kangaroos in the street? I don't get offended by their interest in me being here, but sometimes i find the personal questiong a bit much.
Ceyda, I too talked with husband and he said pretty much that most Turks may never have left the country and compare Turkey to what they see on t.v about the west. So, they assume that life is easy, where money flows, people have no problems and life is just plain easy. Your comment about "grass being greener" is very true and often they don't see that the same life problems can exist regardless of where you are in the world.
pisipati, thanks for your kind comments. I like what you have to say. Turkey is truly an amazing place. The most culturally rich that I have ever lived in. The history and culture cannot be compared to my own country. I agree with what you say about politicians and their incompetence and I believe that the Turkish people deserve so much more. I think freedom of speech has a lot to do with the common attitude of Turks just to complain about things instead of taking action and demanding more of the government and politicians.
Renai :)
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