Family and vacations, or family vacations?

It's that time of year again on this side of the globe.

The weather is warm, business is slowing down and Istanbul seems to contain less people and traffic than normal.

Throughout June, July and August people take off out of the city for their summer homes or on vacation to the more sandier parts of Turkey, like Bodrum, Antalya and Fethiye.

It's our turn to take off next week. We were planning a road trip to the Black Sea. There has been some wild weather there over the last week which could prevent us from visiting some places, or if the weather continues, prevent us all together going. We will see how the weather pans out towards the end of the week. But it's looking ok for now.

The decision to go on holiday seems to bring up some interesting issues, well, for us anyway. My vacation allowance from work is fairly limited, in contrast to what you get in Australian standards. I generally find I have to use days from the following years entitlement in order to just go home to Australia once per year and to have a short break in between.

Recently, my husband went away for a couple of weeks. Since returning, his parents, especially his father, has indicated that he would like to see us and has on several occasions asked my husband when we are coming to see them. My husband is busy at work and along with this trip we will take next week; his sister will visit in early August; my father will visit shortly thereafter; and some other friends of mine will come to town in mid August, so finding time to make the five hour drive to Ankara or eight hours to Konya is a lot to ask, in my opinion anyway.

My husband told his father that I would not be able to join him for a visit he may make to see them in early August. He told him it's because I cannot afford to take one or two days of holiday to go and see them for a long weekend. I asked my husband if he had told them that we would be going away next week to the Black Sea. My husband proceeded to tell me that he hadn't told them and that he wouldn't, as he told them I couldn't even take one day holiday to go and see them. He said that he would go and visit them and probably go from a Thursday to Sunday when we return from our holiday.

I didn't really probe him about this but as I began to think about what he said, I realised or concluded rather, that his family would be upset or offended if we took a vacation, on our own, without paying them a visit or instead of visiting them.

Sometimes I get upset with the fact that they never visit us. My husband works long hours, five, sometimes, six days a week. The business is relatively new and therefore requires endless visits to customers, long phone calls sometimes at 10 and 11 at night, and patience in dealing with his Chinese distributors. He drives long distances all week and endures all the stresses that come with running your own business. A holiday for us is to go somewhere and not have to do much; to relax and unwind. But when we go to visit his family, invariably, other family members come over (which in always more than 3 or 4 people) and neighbours pop by, and if we go to Konya, he should visit his grandparents, aunts, uncles and neighbours. If he doesn't see someone during that visit or spend a decent amount of time with his family, people will be upset or offended, so he has to ensure he sees everyone. How is this a holiday or a chance for him to relax and unwind?

Before I go any further, I will say that maybe this is a cultural thing whereby families like or expect that they will be visited by their children when they have free time, which I fully understand. I will also say that I am not at all against seeing my in-laws. We get along very well and I love them very much as they love me like their own daughter. What I find difficult is the fact that I now feel guilty about taking a much needed break with my husband which we have not yet done (alone, without visiting each others families) since I moved here. Most, if not all trips that we have had since I moved here have been to visit his family in Ankara or Konya, and my family in Australia, both of which we have done together and separately. The only time we have had together on holiday has been two days in Singapore in January.

As much as I am looking forward to this time, a part of me now feels guilty for not factoring in my husbands family into our limited holiday time, but on the other hand, should I? I mean, should I feel guilty and should I factor them into our plans so they can get happy? What about our happiness?

It's so hard to please everyone. But what about us and what we want to do? Is there ever a balance that can be perceived by both parties in these situations?