In Turkey I'm known more with my maiden name than my married name. At work I am known with my maiden name, all my email addresses, credit cards, bank accounts, passport, residence and work permits have my maiden name. In fact, the only document that lists me as having taken my husband's name is our wedding booklet.
See the problem is, the thought of changing my surname once and for all leaves me with feelings of a sudden loss of identity, especially since I live in a foreign country, and having dark brown hair and brown eyes, I tend to just blend in so the only half noticeable difference which separates me as a foreigner is in fact my name. I feel like my name is a link to where I'm from and it's part of who I am. Plus, there is no male to carry on the name so once I change my name, the Mitchell name will end.
Sometimes people find my first name difficult to pronounce, especially for Turkish non-English speakers. So to make it easier at times, I tell people, to "call me 'Rana'". But now with my husbands surname and people using Rana as my first name, the person formerly known as me suddenly disappears and I'm left asking myself "what happened to Renai Mitchell?"
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against my husbands surname and I like his surname. I understand what it represents and the history and family behind it.
So you are all probably thinking, then what's the big deal? Other than the fact that my husbands surname and my name sound slightly weird together, it just doesn't sound like me.
Since moving to London in 2005 and then to Istanbul in 2007, I have felt a much deeper sense of not only love and appreciation for my homeland, but also a deeper connection to it. It's the place my heart longs for now that I live abroad and a place that I identify with and feel I belong to.
So, that brings me to my naming options. Here in Turkey, its not so easy to keep your maiden name. You have to either take your husbands name or get yourself a hyphen or a double-barrell. I'm not a fan of hyphenating or double-barrelling though. I think only certain names can be hyphenated and generally they need to be short sharp names. Luckily my husbands surname is only made up of five letters, but some Turkish names can take forever to pronounce.
Along with this comes the issue of middle names. I have one, but in Turkey it's not particularly common. In Australia you can easily gloss over your middle name, but here you must add it to absolutely everything; forms, signatures on official documents, bank accounts etc. So with that, my name could potentially turn into a four word name if I double-barrell it, which I really don't want or like.
What to do, what to do? I'm still unsure as to whether to have a double barrelled surname or to give my maiden name up fully. I have time at least until my passport expires or at least until my next visit home where I will apply for a new passport with my "new" name, whatever that will be.
All in all I feel a loss of identity more than anything. Of course, I will still be the same person, just with a different name which brings me back to my own question which I'm not sure I have answered; what's really is in a name?
