The differences between here and there...

There are many differences from life here and life in Australia.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend/colleague yesterday which shed some light one on particular difference.

I find it interesting that as people age in this country many are drawn to their grandchildren and children and often move or live closer, if not in the same home with them. Many care for their grandchildren while their children work in order to earn money an set up their lives and this is considered quite the norm. This is also a very similar practice in Greece where I know the same is done.

In Australia however, I feel the attitude on this issue is different. My view is that parents see their work as "done" once they have raised their kids and they have left the house and when their own children are having children for themselves and parents feel it is a time when they want to enjoy their retirement years by moving warmer climates, travelling, taking a cruise or involving themselves in more social events with friends their own age. Independence is another word that comes to my mind whereby the older they get, the more independent they wish to be, or continue to maintain their independence in their older years. Rarely do parents move into their children's homes; they more commonly move to retirement homes or supported accommodation where they remain independent but have the help nearby if needed.

I remember when my grandmother told my father that she was ready to move from her home where she had lived for more than 50 years. My father offered for her to come and live at our house where we could build an extension to accommodate her in her own independent setting. She was against it. My father looked at houses/villas closer to our home so we could be geographically closer to her. She didn't want that either. So in the end she found a lovely retirement village where she had her own home and small garden, but there were strategies in place if she became ill or required urgent help. All at the ripe age of 88.

My grandmother, bless her, was a fiercely independent woman who had raised two teenage boys on her own after her husband died at age 40. She lived for the next 52 years as single woman who did everything for herself. She delivered meals through the "Meals on Wheels" program to other elderly people by car each week for many, many years. Independence was so very important to her.

In Turkey, it is considered somewhat shameful to have your parents live in a nursing/retirement home. My friend explained to me that for many Turkish parents they almost expect that their children should and will take care of them in their older years just as they did when their children were young.

Culturally in Turkey, families operate as a unit which more than often includes parents and grandparents and kids and grand kids as one. In Australia, it's quite the opposite as parents make decisions separate from their children and grandchildren and live more independently of them and vice versa.

My friend told me a story of an elderly Turkish woman who lived in Kadıköy on her own. She would call on the local bakkal for help with buying the basics like milk and bread and would call on other to buy fish for her from time to time. She was independent, but alone. She had no family around her and one day after no one seeing her for some time, the neighbours broke into her house and found her dead. She had been dead at least a week, rodents had come and it was not a pretty situation.

People were outraged that this woman died alone and no one knew. They couldn't understand where her family was and how she could have died alone in that way. Unfortunately, this happens in Australia and other western countries. I have read many stories in the news of elderly people passing away in their homes and not been discovered until neighbours smell something odd.

Turkish home life involves neighbours and friends and family. Everyone is very intertwined. Everyone knows whats going on with each others children and husbands, who is having the next baby, who is getting married and what you cooked for dinner last night. Turks are social and communal and share everything.

Things are not so well known about your neighbours and those around you in Australia, unless like my family, they have lived next to their neighbours for some 25 years. People tend to be more private with matters. Questions that involve how much you earn, how much rent you pay and when are you having your first child are hardly ever asked, even if by close friends and family. In Turkey though, as I have learnt, such questions are par for the course.

I read a great article in Today's Zaman yesterday on entitled Surprising for foreigners? Normal for Turks.... This article covers some of the differences that we foreigners notice on a daily basis and learn to adapt to over time. Have a read of the article. It's interesting.