In Turkey I'm known more with my maiden name than my married name. At work I am known with my maiden name, all my email addresses, credit cards, bank accounts, passport, residence and work permits have my maiden name. In fact, the only document that lists me as having taken my husband's name is our wedding booklet.
See the problem is, the thought of changing my surname once and for all leaves me with feelings of a sudden loss of identity, especially since I live in a foreign country, and having dark brown hair and brown eyes, I tend to just blend in so the only half noticeable difference which separates me as a foreigner is in fact my name. I feel like my name is a link to where I'm from and it's part of who I am. Plus, there is no male to carry on the name so once I change my name, the Mitchell name will end.
Sometimes people find my first name difficult to pronounce, especially for Turkish non-English speakers. So to make it easier at times, I tell people, to "call me 'Rana'". But now with my husbands surname and people using Rana as my first name, the person formerly known as me suddenly disappears and I'm left asking myself "what happened to Renai Mitchell?"
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against my husbands surname and I like his surname. I understand what it represents and the history and family behind it.
So you are all probably thinking, then what's the big deal? Other than the fact that my husbands surname and my name sound slightly weird together, it just doesn't sound like me.
Since moving to London in 2005 and then to Istanbul in 2007, I have felt a much deeper sense of not only love and appreciation for my homeland, but also a deeper connection to it. It's the place my heart longs for now that I live abroad and a place that I identify with and feel I belong to.
So, that brings me to my naming options. Here in Turkey, its not so easy to keep your maiden name. You have to either take your husbands name or get yourself a hyphen or a double-barrell. I'm not a fan of hyphenating or double-barrelling though. I think only certain names can be hyphenated and generally they need to be short sharp names. Luckily my husbands surname is only made up of five letters, but some Turkish names can take forever to pronounce.
Along with this comes the issue of middle names. I have one, but in Turkey it's not particularly common. In Australia you can easily gloss over your middle name, but here you must add it to absolutely everything; forms, signatures on official documents, bank accounts etc. So with that, my name could potentially turn into a four word name if I double-barrell it, which I really don't want or like.
What to do, what to do? I'm still unsure as to whether to have a double barrelled surname or to give my maiden name up fully. I have time at least until my passport expires or at least until my next visit home where I will apply for a new passport with my "new" name, whatever that will be.
All in all I feel a loss of identity more than anything. Of course, I will still be the same person, just with a different name which brings me back to my own question which I'm not sure I have answered; what's really is in a name?
4 comments:
I changed my name over to my husbands when we got married but I still sometimes wish I had gone hyphenated (I'm not a fan either though). In the last couple of years I have been considering changing over to hyphenated even though I have now had this surname for over 8 years! My reasoning at the time was that I quite liked my husband's surname and I thought once we had kids I would like for us to all to have the same surname. But I do feel like I have lost a little of my identity - weird isn't it - but then I am the sentimental sort!
It is a tricky one. I am professional VC (maiden name) and VR for all else. Being at home full time I feel fully immersed in my family name but I still feel a bit wierd when people call me VR. I am going back to work this week and reclaiming VC. No doubt I will accidentally refer to myself as VR and the identity crisis will continue ....
If you like your maiden name and feel a connection to it and place some of your identity in it then why not just keep it? My surname is also only shown as changed to my husband's in the Turkish marriage booklet. I continue to use my maiden name professionally and have kept it on all official documents, including my Turkish residence permit. I have not run into any problems with this in opening Turkish bank accounts, etc.
Thinking outside of the cultural box, it is perfectly normal that you and all other women would feel a connection to and have some of their identity in their name, so why not consider the third option?
I didnt change my name when I got married after all Mrs L is my partners mother not me! I am also one of three girls and if one of us didnt keep our last name (as my dad only has a sister who changed her name when she got married as was the custom in the 50s)it would die out with dad. I dont use Mrs (doesnt fit with my kept name) or Ms (too harsh)if I can help it and dont think I should have to really, I mean if Id carried on and got a doctorate I would be able to use Dr and forgo the Mrs or Ms and noone would even comment. To make things even more confusing our first born (born before we got married) has Js last name but his younger brother (born after we were married) has my last name only (his dads last name isnt a part of his name at all and it was his idea)so that the name lives on another generation through M. M also has my fathers birth family last name as his first name (also my partners idea) but thats another story.Maybe kiwi males are just less worried about the whole name thing J wouldnt have minded either way, my choice entirely.
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